


Optimistic Nihilism

by orphan_account



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 11:31:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12530348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: You know what is amazing about life? It just doesn't matter. Politics don't matter. Friends don't. Family doesn't. The steps you take, the words you say, the mistakes you make. The kisses you give, the spells you cast. The adventures you go on, the deaths you see, the memories you make.In the end, we all die. We are all forgotten to this world. We are so small compared to the whole entire universe. Someday, it will all end, and all the work us humans and mages have gone through will burn into nothing.But thinking that way only made things sad.If nothing mattered, the mistakes and risky moves you take won't matter, right? And if nothing matters, then why not go out with a bang and cause ripples all around you, even if you seem like a fool while doing so?If nothing matters, why is the sky so beautiful? Why does each spell light up light dust in the sunlight? Why do old books smell so light and musky and perfect on a summer day? If nothing matters, why does the world beckon to be explored, learned. Why are midnight talks so perfect. Why do the cherry scones at Watford taste so good?Why does the sight of Baz smiling make everything matter when it doesn't?





	Optimistic Nihilism

**Author's Note:**

> When I checked to see how many fanfictions were written for this book, I can't say I wasn't disappointed. I know I'll never be as good at writing as anybody else. I don't have any idea why I even keep trying, anyways. But, at least I can try. So I wrote this. I think it will be some sort of coping fanfiction for me.
> 
> The next chapter will be longer.

You know what is amazing about life? It just doesn't matter. Politics don't matter. Friends don't. Family doesn't. The steps you take, the words you say, the mistakes you make. The kisses you give, the spells you cast. The adventures you go on, the deaths you see, the memories you make. 

In the end, we all die. We are all forgotten to this world. We are so small compared to the whole entire universe. We are just a speck of dust among the stars and planets that lurk just outside of our view. Someday, it will all end, and all the work us humans and mages have gone through will fade away, burn into nothing.

But thinking that way only made things sad.

If nothing mattered, the mistakes and risky moves you take won't matter, right? And if nothing matters, then why not go out with a bang and cause ripples all around you, even if you seem like a fool while doing so?

If nothing matters, why is the sky so beautiful? Why does each spell light up light dust in the sunlight? Why do old books smell so light and musky and perfect on a summer day? If nothing matters, why does the world beckon to be explored, learned. Why are midnight talks so perfect. Why do the cherry scones at Watford taste so good?

 

Why does the sight of Baz smiling make everything matter when it doesn't?

 

~

 

Simon sat down, gazing out the window with a soft look in his blue eyes. It was the eighth year of Watford, his last year. Not only did he have to make this year count, but he also had to use this time to tie up loose ends.

 

To save the entire world.

 

He started thinking. Worrying. But what did it even matter? Simon Snow had realized that it didn’t matter, nothing really did. Every word, thought, movement, and victory would never make an impact when the world ended, whether it was from the Insidious Humdrum or not. He had just begun to think about this fact, and it hurt him more each day than ever. His smiles faded more each day, tears falling down his bright face were a more common experience this year than ever.

 

And Simon… Simon suddenly started to cry. The whole world disappeared before his eyes. He was swimming in a grey galaxy, bright gleams of white poking out of the tears blurring his vision, the tears that kept welling up, even when he wiped them on his black sweater. Before he knew it, a figure was stepping towards him. A contrast of black stepping- No,- Floating towards him against a shining silver and white background. The tears suddenly fell from his eyes, floating in place in the air. He could see the figure clearly.

 

It was Baz.

 

Simon reached out a hand, sobbing and trying to run towards him, but with every step he took, he just grew farther and farther away. It broke him down, and as he saw the figure disappear, the background of silver and white changed to a warm glow of gold, which soon changed to the light of the sunset pouring down upon Snow as he kneeled on the ground, sobbing his eyes out. He cried and cried for a couple of minutes, before trying to calm down. That was when he wiped the tears away, adjusting his eyes to the warm glow of his dorm room. 

 

Then, he saw a figure standing at his door.


End file.
